Saturday, December 19, 2009

Bad Day for Moms

It's one year today since Gary's dad died. I called his mother, who was a little shaky but said it really hasn't been any worse than any other day. She was fretting that she hadn't done anything to commemorate the day, so I suggested that she write. She said she might write in her journal.

Meanwhile, my sister tells me that this morning, our mother didn't remember what clam chowder is, even though she eats it every day during many months of the year. When my sister brought her some, she remembered, but it's still a scary slippage. Several hours later, I spoke to Mom on the phone and she sounded quite good; she's very much looking forward to seeing me on Wednesday, as I'm looking forward to seeing her. So far, she's shown no sign of not recognizing family, thank God.

Now I just have to hope that the weather cooperates with my travel plans!

My shift at the hospital this morning went well. First of all, I woke up on time, no mean feat these days! Patient volume was low today, which meant that the staff were all in a good mood, and I had a high percentage of good, substantive visits with the patients I did see.

This afternoon I was sad and lethargic, though, probably because of the season and the day. I've often been blue right before Christmas, even without painful family stuff. I'd been planning to get a few hours of work done on my year-end annual-evaluation materials (a massive project that always comes at the worst time of the year), but that didn't happen, so tomorrow through Tuesday, I'll really have to cram.

Oh, speaking of sleep: the bloodwork came back normal, which I guess is a good thing but is also annoying, because we're no closer to an explanation. (And while grief and depression would explain ordinary fatigue, they don't explain exercise intolerance: that suggests something physical.) I spoke to my psychiatrist, who said my recent higher meds dosage could theoretically be the problem. I'm going to try going back down to the old dose in January, but we agreed that doing it before my trip back East would be unwise. And on January 4, I have an appointment to talk to my primary-care doc. So I'm working on fixing this!

In an hour, we're going to a dinner party given by our friend Stephanie the violinist. As her Christmas present to me, she's giving me a half-hour violin lesson: very generous! (And, I hope, not too painful for her or for the other people in the building.) I'll post separately about her new album with our friend Jim.

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