Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Dale from Peavine Pottery called me this morning, sounding very terse indeed, and told me he couldn't make the pot from Dad's ashes. He said he's a big believer in dreams, and he had a dream telling him not to do it, although he couldn't tell me -- because the dream hadn't told him -- why not.
I'm a big believer in dreams too, so the call freaked me out more than a little. It's hard not to take this personally: Dale was fine when I first spoke to him on the phone about the commission, and he's clearly made such pieces before -- he could describe the effect of cremains on glaze and clay, for instance -- but he became increasingly tense during our visit yesterday. So I think something about me turned him off.
I cried after the phone call, and I've been fighting shame ever since, especially since last week, a friend told me how "weird" it is for me to be investing in all these cremain keepsakes. "But if it makes you feel better, that's what's important." Well, yes. (Which is more shameful: finding creative homes for loved ones, or shaming others about their choices in doing so?)
Okay, so I'm weird. Guilty as charged. We've been knowing that, right? But really, the project isn't all that bizarre. There are companies that specialize in this, like Phoenix Memorial Art. Isn't making something beautiful and useful from cremains more sensible than just keeping them in an urn that can't then be used for anything else? I wanted to give the business to local artists, and now I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. I hope John at Planet X doesn't back out, too.
Sometime today I'll go by Peavine Pottery to pick up the cremains I left there yesterday. Truth to tell, I'm kind of dreading the errand.
I also have a therapy appointment today. I can't wait to hear what my therapist makes of this!
If I had more free time, I'd take a pottery class and make something myself, but that doesn't seem feasible right now. On the other hand, cremains keep, so maybe I can do it sometime in the future. Whatever I made wouldn't be a tenth as nice as Dale's work, though; I mean, he's spent years at this. He's an artist.
In other news, the deck demolition is coming along nicely.