Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Space-Age Toothbrush

Yesterday I got a super-duper electric toothbrush my periodontist recommended. He said it would save me thousands of dollars of dental work, and I'm all for that. There's a steep learning curve with this thing, though: it has roughly as many parts as the space shuttle, including a wireless instructional device that tells you how long to brush each quadrant of your mouth, times it for you, and sounds a warning beep if you're brushing too hard.

I swear I'm not making this up.

When I'd opened the package and blinked at the gazillion-and-one parts, I went downstairs and said to Gary, who was wrestling a brownie recipe into submission in the kitchen, "I have a problem."

"What?" he said. He hates being interrupted when he's cooking.

"I don't think I'm smart enough to use my new toothbrush."

Gary started laughing. "That's why I'm sticking with the old-fashioned kind."

When he was finished wrestling the brownies -- which were excellent, by the way -- he came upstairs to help me assemble the toothbrush. It took two of us several minutes to figure out how to get the battery cover off the wireless guide thing-y. See, you have to take off the battery cover to find the switches that let you change settings before the toothbrush is charged. Once it's charged, you can change at least some settings from the toothbrush itself.

I was very proud of myself when I managed to get everything set up the way I wanted it (counting down the seconds I was to spend brushing each quadrant of my mouth rather than counting up, for instance). I also finally figured out that the small blue plastic square that had come with the package was a piece of super-duper adhesive for attaching the wireless thing-y to the wall over the sink.

"The toothbrush command center is now on the wall next to the mirror," I told Gary. "I'm just letting you know so you don't think it's a thermonuclear device."

"If it starts counting down from 100 in red letters," he said, "I'm getting out of the house."

So far, that hasn't happened. The wireless guide has informed me how long to brush each quadrant and then flashed a smiley face when I've brushed for two minutes. Sometimes the smiley face winks. I expect the wireless gizmo to start singing "Daisy, Daisy" any day now, while the toothbrush harmonizes.

The toothbrush has a bunch of settings: gentle, clean, superclean, clean-and-floss, clean-for-people-with-braces, polish, and chainsaw. I also strongly suspect that someone on Etsy has invented vibrator attachments for it; if not, there's a lucrative market waiting to be tapped.

But I gotta say, it gets my teeth real clean.


  1. LOL That sure does sound fancy, Susan. I've had a very fancy toothbrush from my dentist at one time but it didn't have as many tricks as yours does. It didn't last very long either, broke pretty quickly. But the idea of having tools like the dentist uses to clean your teeth is an excellent idea.

    Have a great day!


  2. Anonymous10:12 AM

    The truth is always stranger than fiction.

    Jeff P.

  3. That was funny, especially the 'thermonuclear device' part.

    It sounds like something like you might expect to find in your book Shelter :)

  4. LOL, Inky! Maybe . . . but if the toothbrush were in SHELTER, it would be lecturing you about the importance of oral hygiene.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.